Friday, January 21, 2011

Chained Up: Starbucks…Beer?!?!

Suit757 doesn’t do Starbucks. Never stepped foot in the place.

My list of Suit757 liquid intake is very short.

Beer. And tap water.

And, every once in a blue moon, maybe an orange juice with my meat-lovers omelet and side of scrapple.

I don’t drink coffee.

I’m philosophically opposed to bottled water. (For the same reason I’m opposed to prostitution – why pay for something you can get for free?)

And I sure don’t drink Starbucks Upside Down Caramel Macchiato, whatever the hell that is.

I mean, what heterosexual man with any pride could stand there and order a Venti Soy Double Blended Chai Crème Frappuccino with a straight face?

So you can imagine my utter state of panic after a recent dinner out with four family members when the conversation turned to where to go for after-dinner drinks.

I thought my criteria were fairly reasonable.

The place needed beer (duh!). And I had just spent dinner missing the first of two NFL playoff games. I wasn’t about to miss the second.

The place needed to have a TV.

Hey, Suit757 can be a reasonable guy when he wants to be.

I voted for the local Irish pub.

To my great dismay, I was outvoted four to one in favor of Starbucks. (Something about how we just got done drinking a bunch of beer – a point I totally missed.)

But panic morphed into jubilation as I made my virgin Starbucks threshold crossing and came face-to-face with a giant flat screen TV tuned to the game and a refrigerator full of beer!

And not just any beer.

Anchor Steam! Microbrewed on the West Coast since 1896.

So as my family collectively sipped their Peppermint Mocha Frappuccinos, I kicked back in the middle of Starbucks with a fine craft beer and watched the Packers dismantle the Falcons.

And thought to myself, “Self, perhaps there is still hope for red-blooded heterosexual American men after all.”

Rating: Decent!

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