Parking is a Premium at Off Site Kitchen

Off Site Kitchen
2226 Irving Blvd.

Dallas, TX 75207

 

It's been just over two years since my last visit to Texas, and as a guy from the Great Lakes region, I can tell you that I did not look forward to return to the heat of Texas.

I was in the Dallas area on business with a fellow Suit who explained to me that the heat in Texas can get so extreme that bugs will actually melt on the sidewalk. Not the crunchy bugs, he clarified, just the big, fat and juicy ones.

Comforting...

Look, I'm sure Texas is nice not during the summer months, but I can't exactly confirm that, being that I've only really been there during the months that bugs melt.

And don't get me started on the politics of Texas.

Every conservative believes that Texas is somehow a utopia for conservative politics. Texas has worse gun laws than Pennsylvania!

Oh, and you also have to provide all ten fingerprints to get a driver's license in the state. How about that for freedom-loving?

And Rick Perry...where do I even start with him? Sometimes he can be so right and other times he can just be plain stupid. Perry is finally stepping down after being Governor for what seems like since the Civil War. No term limit for the Executive? No thank you...

Oh, and let us not forget that Texas also gave us the Bush dynasty which single-handedly destroyed the Republican Party.

But the people of Texas are good people, so long as you can tolerate them constantly correcting you that everything is better and/or bigger in Texas.

No, but seriously, I shouldn't be so tough on Texas because despite their government and obnoxious heat, it is a nice state. And one thing for sure, they know how to cook.

My fellow suit, being a native Texan, knew that I would be interested in the finest of what Dallas had to offer. He did his research, and brought us to a shady part of town to what looked like from the outside a perfect place for a Suit to review.

Once through the front door, I knew he had just taken me a goldmine of a Suit review.

Off Site Kitchen is everything that a Suit could ask for in a delicious place to eat: severe lack of parking spaces, long line to the register, very little seating, and the smell of smoked meat in the air.

I ordered the special of the day which was half a BBQ chicken with house made BBQ sauce, coleslaw, and Texas toast.

In true Texas fashion, my fellow Suit ordered the Ten Buck Four Burger, which is a burger made up of four 1/4 pound burger patties, for a grand total of a pound of meat, plus a fried egg on top.

I must say, I became envious of that burger. That thing looked awesome, and according to my fellow Suit, it was, as he had to restart his heart several times during the process of eating it.
 

Don't get me wrong, though, my BBQ chicken was delicious. The meat was very moist and flavorful, and the house made BBQ sauce that came with it had the right amount of tang to it.

The only way to truly complete this meal is by washing it down with the beer that is the pride of Texas, Shiner Bock. Now, I'm not going to sit here and sing the praises of Shiner Bock. It's an okay beer and really is about the best Texas can offer. The laws in Texas just absolutely kill the craft beer industry.

Yet another fine example of the lack of freedom in the Lone Star State...

But I salute Shiner for their long history of serving the people of Texas with a quality beer.

Freedom will come some day to Texas so that Texans can actually openly carry a firearm without being thrown in jail, and to know what real good beer tastes like.

Until then, they can keep enjoying their delicious food with a small variety of good beer, while dreaming of the day they can live up to the label of "freest state in the union."

Off Site Kitchen is a must for anyone visiting the Dallas area. It is off the beaten path, and you'll have a hard time finding parking, but it is well worth it.

Rating: Seriously Thought About Buying Shirt

Frying Up Thighs, Legs and Ravioli in St. Louis

Porter’s Fried Chicken
3628 S. Big Bend Blvd.
St. Louis, MO
Visited September 20, 2010

Beer selection: None.

Food: “Famous Fried Chicken”

I’m not a chicken guy.

Nope. In the over 10,000 estimated meals I’ve ordered out at restaurants, I can’t recall EVER voluntarily ordering chicken.

To me, there is nothing more unappetizing than a shriveled up, dry-as-the Sahara chicken breast.

Chicken is the nasty boring food you eat at home when you are making a stab at being healthy (once or twice a month in the Suit757 home).

But fried chicken?

That’s a whole ‘nother species of bird all together.

Now I can eat some fried chicken.

Amazing fried chicken can stand out based on any of several criteria: seasoning, crust and…

…grease.

Porter’s fried chicken doesn’t make much of an attempt at excellence on the first two criteria. The chicken is as bland as a Rascal Flats concert, devoid of any seasoning. And the crust is thin and crispy, held tight to the skin.

But on my final greasy measuring stick, Porter’s really stands out.

This is some moist bird, here. And probably explains Porter’s recognition as the best fried chicken in St. Louis.

It didn’t win for atmosphere, that’s for sure.

I bet there are prison dining halls that have more character than this place located in a run down strip shopping center sandwiched between a coin Laundromat and a billiard hall.

The walls are painted blue, not a picture, decoration or depiction of a happy chicken to be found. Old worn wooden paneling and booths fill one side of the place, with the other half dedicated, appropriately enough, to take out.

I was the only “dine-in” patron in the place at peak lunch hour.

Matching the ambiance, or the lack thereof, the chicken -- and toasted ravioli I ordered on the side -- came out of the kitchen almost instantaneously in white non-descript card board boxes.

My two legs and a thigh (I’ve never understood why anyone would prefer dry, boring white meat over moist, succulent dark meat – but then again, like I said, I’m not a chicken guy) was accompanied by fairly forgettable mashed potatoes, coleslaw and roll.

Sad to say, the highlight of the meal was the toasted ravioli, a side dish more indigenous to St. Louis itself than to fried chicken joints.

Toasted ravioli isn’t really toasted – it’s deep fried. Which explains why it is such a dogone tasty St. Louis tradition.

Think meat-stuffed Chef Boyardee thrown in the deep fryer. Then spiced up with Italian seasonings and served alongside warm marinara dipping sauce. Once fried, the “toasted” ravioli are crisp and crunchy on the outside and the meat inside is soft and delicious.

It’s perfect finger food. Dip, crunch, enjoy. Repeat.

In fact, the Toasted Ravioli was so good, it really over-shadowed Porter’s namesake “Famous Fried Chicken”.

But then again, what do I know?

Remember, I’m not a chicken guy.

Rating: Would Wear the Shirt If It Were Free.