Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Overcoming the Soft Bigotry of Low Expectations
686 S. Main St.
“Not to be a smartass, but…”
I realize that’s not the best way to begin a new relationship.
But other than bringing me a few brews and some food, my relationship with my waiter at Moab Brewery was going to be relatively short lived anyway.
You have to understand, I was just incredulous at what he told me.
“By state law, all the draft beer we brew is 3.2 percent,” he explained.
I mean, even your watered down puke American light beers like Miller Lite are at least 4.5%. Budweiser is 5%.
A good microbrew can approach double digits. Heck, I’ve got a bottle of Dogfish Head 120 Minute IPA I’m saving at home that touches 20% ABV. Definitely a special occasion sipping beer.
So who the hell wants to waste their time with a beer restricted to just 3.2?
Other than a few forgettable trips to Tulsa, Oklahoma, I’ve never run into this “three-two” beer crisis.
So I sure wasn’t expecting to confront this issue here – at a microbrewery, for Pete’s sake!
I think I offended my waiter.
Something about the look on his face.
He explained that he had worked in Salt Lake City for Uinta Brewing and they competed against breweries all over the world – and won – with 3.2% beer.
He assured me the alcohol content would not affect the taste.
I was dubious, to say the least.
So I tried Moab’s “Merrimack Steamer”, a pale ale with a crisp, hoppy, tasty flavor.
I mean, this brew isn’t going to make the Beer Hall of Fame, but I have to admit, I was impressed.
Call it “the soft bigotry of low expectations,” as George W. Bush would say.
My second brew, the “Raven Stout”, seemed like a good choice because stouts tend to be low in alcohol anyway. Maybe I wouldn’t miss it, I rationalized.
Unfortunately, this oatmeal stout tasted watered down, not as good as the Steamer.
My “Chili Verde Pork Burrito” was chock full of fork tender meat that had been slow simmered in green chili sauce. If those Mormon lawmakers had the same attitude toward dead pig that they do toward beer, this burrito would be in serious violation of at least a couple Utah statutes.
Topped with cheese and a delicious chili of beans, onions, olives, peppers and tomatoes, my burrito was an ideal companion to my microbrewed beer.
So I know you are dying to know. My waiter was too.
Is Suit757 a convert to hand crafted low alcohol beer?
Well, I’ll tell you what I told my waiter.
Moab Brewery moved me from “Why bother?” to “Hey, this is actually pretty good.”
So impressed, I cashed in my little “$1 Off Souvenirs” wooden coin at the gift shop and bought myself a Moab Brewery shirt.
So is Suit757 going soft in his old age?
I don’t think so. But who knows? You know what they say about low expectations.
Rating: Bought the Shirt.