Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Bombastic Burgers and Bombshell Babes

Buckaroo Bills

24 North Canyon Street
West Yellowstone, Montana 59758

Meat : The Final Frontier
These are the voyages of SuitOchoCinco
His Mission:
To explore strange old restaurants
To seek out yummy dead animals & hoppy beer
To boldly consume like no man has consumed before

Now if you have been following along for the past year or so there is no mistaking SuitOchoCinco's passions.

Travel, Medium Rare Animal Flesh, Beer, baseball, and Alessandra Ambrosio to name a few.

All of those passions have me on a seemingly never ending pursuit of . . . well . . . all of those things.

Now, the likelihood that I am going to be sitting next Alessandra (that's what she prefers I call her) at Fenway Park in the middle of May as the Sox trounce the Yankees while sipping a cold Dogfish 60 Minute and devouring a medium rare cowboy rib-eye is slim to none.

But. The fact that every one of those things will happen individually is certainly no stretch of the imagination.

OK maybe ONE won't.

They don't have cowboy rib-eyes at Fenway.

The point is, anything can happen. I mean, we did elect foreign national to the Presidency didn't we?

And recently anything did happen.

Not long ago, I found myself in one of the most remote places in the United States.

West Yellowstone Montana.

Suit OchoCinco had been on business (as usual) in Kalispell, Helena, and Bozeman and decided that being that being so close to Old Faithful and not seeing it would be a sin.

So filled up my 20 gallon gas tank in my H3 and headed toward West Yellowstone.

Then filled it up again and kept heading to West Yellowstone.

Then filled it up again and kept heading to West Yellowstone. (Darn those 8 mile a gallon SUV's)

Once I got there I was pleasantly surprised by the lack of people and abundance of animals dead and alive.

Before I began my trek into the vast wilderness of the Government Stolen -- I mean owned and maintained forest -- I needed to ingest some cooked flesh.

That's when I spotted Buckaroo Bills. Yes. Buckaroo Bills.

This place screams tacky, gaudy, overpriced tourist trap with crap food.

But it was the off season in West Yellowstone and I had to eat, and it was either that or Mc-gag-Donalds. Obviously, Bill's won.

Upon walking in a very sweet old woman greeted me handed me a menu and I sat down.


The menu was great. It was a plethora of formerly breathing quadrupeds waiting for ingestion.

Then I spotted it right below the Wolverine, and the Buffalo, and the Cow, and the Pig . . .

"Big Horn 100% Elk Burger"


I order that Medium Rare of course and perused the surroundings.

Yes it was touristy, yes it was gaudy, and yes it was tacky.

But it was far from over priced. So all I needed was it to be delicious and I was sold.

About 7 minutes later the sweet older woman arrived at the table with a basket lined in wax paper with a medium rare slab of ground elk waiting for my inspection. It looked phenomenal.

Being that I am a condiment addict I slathered said piece of flesh with the appropriate amount of additions and dug in.

. . . Oh my . . .

Fox News Alert: This was the tastiest piece of Burger meat I had ever consumed in my entire 35 years on this planet . . . and that is no exaggeration.

Every bite was better than the last. Every time I chomped down I prayed there was more.

I cannot in words describe how amazing and delicious this meal was.

I finished this culinary master piece and humbly went on my way.

Do not judge a book by its cover.

Because tucked away in a remote portion of the mountains on the border of Montana and Wyoming is a priceless nugget, and I dont mean gold.

Ill have to invite Alessandra next time.

RATING: Bought the Shirt.


  1. HMPF! Alessandra huh? that's ok... now I do not feel bad telling you I invited Ryan Reynolds to Wally's Bagels.

  2. lol @ Elaina. I guess when I get home, I'll have to find out who this ho-bag, I mean, nice wholesome, no doubt young lady is...
    Wow- that makes me feel old!