Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Fuhgeddaboudit!


Wally's Bagels

1137A Deer Park Avenue
North Babylon, NY

631.242.2160

Food: Bagels, Breakfast and More

After escaping the clutches of the New Jersey Turnpike -- if you feel as though you are man enough to punch your card one more time -- you can brave the break-neck Autobahnesque needle-thin Verranzano Bridge past Fuggedaboutit, Brooklyn, through the stench of Staten Island onto the Long Island Expressway.

There, off exit 51 South, and shoved into the Stables Garden Center strip mall is a eatery you just cannot pass up.


This place is so damn good that if any trip I have calls for me to be within 50 miles of Wally's, I will re-route my trip just to end up there.

But this is not an experience for the weak of heart or for the wuss.

For at Wally's you need to be ready, and I mean it.

The first four times I went there, I was forced into letting my Long Island native girlfriend translate for me because if you ain't ready, you can Fuhgeddaboudit.

The unshaven, disheveled, obnoxious and loud New Yorker behind the counter doesn't have time for a mopey southern drawl.

Order NOW or get out.

My first experiance there went as follows:
Wally's Guy: "WhacanIgetya."
Suite OchoCinco: "um."
Wally's Guy: "NEXT!!"

But not this time.  This time I was gonna order, and I was going to triumph.

On the 20 mile drive from my hotel I practiced over and over:


"I need a whole wheat everything bagel with garden vegetable cream cheese, lox and red onion, a cheddar bagel with bacon cheddar cream cheese and a 2 egg on an everything bagel with bacon and cheese, with a cup of coffee light and sweet and a New York Post!!!"

AGAIN: "I need a whole wheat everything bagel with garden vegetable cream cheese, lox and red onion, a cheddar bagel with bacon cheddar cream cheese and a 2 egg on an everything bagel with bacon and cheese, with a cup of coffee light and sweet and a New York Post!!!"

AGAIN!

"I need a whole wheat everything bagel with garden vegetable cream cheese, lox and red onion, a cheddar bagel with bacon cheddar cream cheese and a 2 egg on an everything bagel with bacon and cheese, with a cup of coffee light and sweet and a New York Post!!!"

As we pulled into the parking lot, I asked my girlfriend if she wanted me to order for her, she looked at me with a "yeah right slow talker," smirked and said no.

She didn't know what she wanted yet.

Relief.  What I had practiced, was all I had to say.  Phew.

We walked in the front door and the line was not as long as usual, a good sign, I had time to rehearse a few more times, I stood there nervously twitching like a 13-year-old with ADHD on his first date with a caffeine high.

I literally could hear myself saying, "put me in coach, I got this"
Finally my time came:
Wallys Guy: "WhatcanIgetya!?!"
Me: "I need a whole wheat everything bagel with garden vegetable cream cheese, lox and red onion, a cheddar bagel with bacon cheddar cream cheese and a 2 egg on an everything bagel with bacon and cheese, with a cup of coffee light and sweet and a New York Post!!!"
Wally's Guy: "her?"

Me: "Naw she'll order herself."
Wally's Guy: "Aight" and he walked away.
My girlfriend: "What about me."
Me: "your on your own sister."
Girlfriend: "Sigh, eye roll, mad face."
Me: SMILE

Ah yeah.  Four visits and four years later I finally stood at the helm of the ordering line at Wally's in North Babylon and kicked proverbial ass, I did it... HA!

Now you may be wondering who in there right mind orders that much food for breakfast? 

And you will be surprised to learn, that was my order for the next 24 hours.

Yes, 24 hours.

These bagels are the size of a prepubescent teenagers head, and they put more homemade cream cheese on these things than an over-paid union worker puts spackle on dry wall. 

But if you are going to go to Wally's, you might as well know ahead of time you will be craving these things like a Heroine addict craves his methadone even years after quitting.
A short time later my sandwiches arrived wrapped individually in wax paper (see a trend?) and shoved in a brown paper bag the way they should be. 

I proudly handed my money across the counter and walked out with a smile from ear to ear and a stomach screaming to ingest the yummy goodness I had just battled for.
Things to note:
Wally's is famous for its Wally's Dozen, which is 14
They also make the most mouthwatering fresh daily egg, chicken, and tuna salad.
Oh yeah, and they ship now, so you can enjoy them anywhere in the US.

But don't worry if you call for a shipment to your home state, you can speak as slow as you'd like.

RATING: Bought the shirt (4 visits ago)

1 comment:

  1. I can go for an everything bagel toasted, lightly buttered with two eggs over medium with cheese, extra bacon, salt, pepper, ketchup aka SPK with a Lemon V8. Mmmmm, Mmm! Oh and for lunch an everything bagel toasted with Cream Cheese and Bacon!!!! MMMMMMM!!!!!

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