The Guinness Float: San Francisco’s Best Idea Ever

St. Francis Fountain
2801 24th St.
San Francisco, CA




This innovative city on the cutting edge that first introduced the world to taxpayer funded sex changes and “needle exchange programs” is now considering handing out free crack pipes to its drug addicted welfare dependents.

Since, in the minds of Left Coast leftists, shooting heroine and smoking crack are not character flaws but rather agnostic lifestyle choices, you and I have an obligation to pay for our neighbors’ vices.

But they will ship you off to San Quinten if you so much as light up a cigarette or utter a disparaging word about Ellen DeGeneres.

The day California slides into the Pacific Ocean can’t come soon enough for me.

But even I have to admit these liberal creative types can concoct a good idea every once in a while.

Like the Guinness float. Served here at the venerable St. Francis Fountain in the Mission District of San Francisco.

Holy guacamole! Where has this idea been my entire life?

I’ve always likened Guinness to drinking alcoholic chocolate milk.

Since Guinness is nitrogenated rather than carbonated, the Irish beverage of choice lends a silky, creamy mouthfeel that goes down as smooth as milk.

The roasted dark malt and low alcohol content lends a touch of sweetness.

So pouring a freshly opened nitrogenated can of Guinness over some homemade vanilla ice cream might just be the best idea Californians have come up with since they decided to recall Governor Gray Davis.

Witnessing the chemical reaction as the nitrogen interacted with the ice cream was more entertaining than a Tenderloin District sex show.

A swirl of twirling ice cream, frothing black liquid, hissing nitrogen and foaming tan head tantalized my senses.

Impatiently I waited for the show to settle before dipping my straw into the cauldron.

The first few gulps yielded a bracing alcohol kick. Like the kind of jolt you get when your mind is expecting one thing -- but gets something very different.

I think my eyes were fully expecting the sweetness of a milk shake but my taste buds got a beer instead.

The bitterness of the beer flavored ice cream morphed as it melted into ice cream flavored beer.

I thoroughly enjoyed the transformation from bitter ice cream to sweet creamy beer.

With a buzz.

There’s not much alcohol in a 14 ounce can of Guinness, but my brain was so mixed up I think the confusion heightened the buzz.

Of course slurping all that deliciousness through a thick straw in six minutes flat might have been a contributing factor also.

Fortunately, St. Francis Fountain offers real sustenance in addition to ice cream and Guinness floats.

I definitely needed it considering my beverage/dessert of choice.

The Baltimore BLT offered a Left Coast twist on the lunch counter standby -- fresh avocado squeezed between the thick bacon and lettuce and tomato.

The avocado quickly morphed into a messy slippery guacamole condiment after a few bites.

I have absolutely no clue why a BLT with avocado served in San Francisco would be named after a city in Maryland.

The homemade macaroni and cheese on the side was much more interesting. Big goops of gooey cheese were sweetened by onion.

This stuff puts mom’s Kraft-from-the-box mac and cheese to shame.

Sorry mom.

Good simple comfort food is what you would expect -- and what you get -- at this nearly century old neighborhood sofa fountain where local Mission District hipsters wander in for a taste of home or of nostalgia -- or of reality -- something in desperately short supply in this city.

They don’t sell clean needles or crack pipes at St. Francis Fountain. But they do sell the collector’s cards of your childhood by the front door.

A pack of “Close Encounters of the Third Kind” cards, anyone?

How about some of those rare “Welcome Back, Kotter” cards?

St. Francis Fountain is all the pleasures of childhood in one tiny shop.

Plus Guinness floats.

Sometimes you have to grow up to discover the best pleasures of all.

Rating: Seriously Thought About Buying Shirt

Puritans Can Be Tender, Too

The Puritan Backroom
245 Hooksett Road
Manchester, NH

Hours: 11 AM-11:15 PM (12:15 AM Fridays and Saturdays)
Food: Basic American
Alcohol: Full Bar

Since 1917, the Puritan Backroom is a place where people in the working class city of Manchester have gone after church, on birthdays and during other special occasions.

You get a nice, big helping of tasty food for not too much more than you pay elsewhere. It's not pretentious, but it is typically well done.

And they make their own ice cream, which is really good, and which is served in really generous quantities too. During the summer, the ice cream stand out front has lines long enough that it almost makes sense to go in the dining room.

Needless to say, this is the kind of place where you go when you owe someone dinner, so I end up taking a fair number of people here.

Aside from the ice cream, they claim to be the first place anywhere to sell chicken tenders, which are the highest-selling item on their rather large menu.

But there may be trouble.

The only fourth-generation heir, Chris Pappas, is a raging left-wing activist and Chair of the local Democrats.

So at the very least, once he fully takes over, all the money socially conservative French Catholic grandmothers spend on chicken tenders for their visiting grandchildren could start going to left-wing politics.

So in time, there may be a price for eating there beyond just the chicken tenders.

Personally, I'm a big fan of the coconut tenders, which I ordered this time out.

When you eat in, they come as a "dinner," which includes a Greek salad or soup, bread, coffee or tea (so iced tea is free, but not soda) and a side.

For soups, they usually have a chowder and then something else like chicken noodle.

I went with the corn chowder.

The great thing about their corn chowder is that it has lots bacon in it.

Bacon makes everything better.

And then the tenders were great, as always. They were the same golden color they always are, and they go perfectly with their duck sauce.

They're not over-breaded like you'll get in a lot of places, and the coconut adds a nice flavor.

For a side, I'd ordered broccoli with cheese sauce. Most things at this place are pretty good, but since it's a vegetable and I was full after about 2/3 of the chicken tenders, I only ate a small nibble, with the cheese at least partially redeeming the vegetables.

With all this coming for $13.95 (the coconut tenders are an extra two dollars), it's certainly not a bad deal compared to most other places, especially considering serving sizes, but it's more expensive than you'll do most nights

The waitress asked about dessert, but as tempting as one of their killer brownie sundaes was, I decided against.

One piece of advice, to the extent that you have any control over it, is that if you want to read or have a conversation, you should try and get seated far from the bar in the dining room, with the loud flatscreen TVs.

But you usually don't have any control over it, because they're usually slammed except on snowy nights like the one on this particular visit when most people are tucked into bed early.

Well, that means less money for crazy lefties, at least.

Rating: Would Buy the Shirt If I Were Convinced It Wouldn't Cause Communism