Bringing the Outdoors Inside

Cabela's
100 Cabela's Dr.
Hamburg, PA 19526
(and in a few other places across the fruited plain)




As a suit that goes to strange places, I seldom get to indulge in the pleasures of the great outdoors. Miraculously, this time I had the chance to eat food that "supposedly" wasn't farm raised and was significantly more interesting than bland beef or rubber chicken with too much salt.

Even though Suit 777 is a true lover of all animals served on a plate with a side of a different animal, garnished with another of God's creatures in its proper place, sometimes cow, pig and chicken, just get boring after a while.

Cabela's proclaims that they are the "World's most foremost outfitter". I agree, but think they should also claim the title of "worst enemy of PETA and Purveyor of the Means to put fury creatures on our plates!"

Many a fury thing has met its demise because a red blooded American male with a 30-06 or a .300 Winchester magnum has spied it in his scope. And thank goodness, because if we weren't placing the Lord's fuzzy critters on our plates, I'm pretty sure the world would have ended; probably swamped with squirrels and bunnies like Captain Kirk was in The Trouble with Tribbles.

Moving on to the reason for my side trip to male nirvana! They serve GAME at their in store restaurant! Now that is a completely American slice of righteousness!

Standing in the short line at the Cabela's in-store cafe` is almost as fun as standing at the firearms counter xperimenting with the newest in technology designed to place one of God's furry creatures on my plate!

Reading the menu in my Brooks Bros. suit didn't bother me one bit. I'm a Suit in Strange Places and being able to order the pulled warthog sandwich instead of the typical pulled pork or a not quite yet classic elk burger is definitely a great moment!

Being as ravenous as a bobcat that has just woken up from a long winter's hibernation, I decided the elk burger was definitely the way to go...

...but my hopes were slightly dashed when I learned I wasn't getting a whole elk.  But a 1/3 lb burger is almost good enough when you add the fries, Mtn. Dew and peanut butter cheesecake.

Being a nice and social guy, I questioned the cook where they got the elk for the burger... when I learned it was farm raised elk and not actual game, I became the proverbial bear... well only on the inside.

Oh well, we can't win them all in the culinary-oddity world.

The burger with all the classic American toppings (lettuce, ketchup, pickles, onions, mustard and mayo) was absolutely choice! Loved it! Apparently, the butcher knew how to cut the elk up without damaging any glands and it completely avoided the gamey taste a lot of meats get.

The fries were merely your typical fries but they still complimented the dead 2200 lb animal on my plate very well!

I definitely recommend getting your burger with a Mtn. Dew. There is just something about the crisp flavor of the radio active green beverage that just says... "I was made to be drunk with a burger and fries!"

Finally, the cheesecake! Oh My GOODNESS! It was so rich and heavy I had to take it home with me. I couldn't finish it in the store.  It was fantastic!

Well I could say I bought the t-shirt just for this trip, but I've already bought several other items of clothing and equipment from this fine outfitter!

I retired from this event knowing that I had done my part in keeping furry creatures from taking over the world! 

Rating: Bought the Shirt! (or in this case the flannel shirt)

Bombastic Burgers and Bombshell Babes

Buckaroo Bills

24 North Canyon Street

West Yellowstone, Montana 59758

406.646.7091

Meat : The Final Frontier

These are the voyages of SuitOchoCinco

His Mission:

To explore strange old restaurants

To seek out yummy dead animals & hoppy beer

To boldly consume like no man has consumed before

Now if you have been following along for the past year or so there is no mistaking SuitOchoCinco's passions.

Travel, Medium Rare Animal Flesh, Beer, baseball, and Alessandra Ambrosio to name a few.

All of those passions have me on a seemingly never ending pursuit of . . . well . . . all of those things.

Now, the likelihood that I am going to be sitting next Alessandra (that's what she prefers I call her) at Fenway Park in the middle of May as the Sox trounce the Yankees while sipping a cold Dogfish 60 Minute and devouring a medium rare cowboy rib-eye is slim to none.

But. The fact that every one of those things will happen individually is certainly no stretch of the imagination.

OK maybe ONE won't.

They don't have cowboy rib-eyes at Fenway.

The point is, anything can happen. I mean, we did elect foreign national to the Presidency didn't we?

And recently anything did happen.

Not long ago, I found myself in one of the most remote places in the United States.

West Yellowstone Montana.

Suit OchoCinco had been on business (as usual) in Kalispell, Helena, and Bozeman and decided that being that being so close to Old Faithful and not seeing it would be a sin.

So filled up my 20 gallon gas tank in my H3 and headed toward West Yellowstone.

Then filled it up again and kept heading to West Yellowstone.

Then filled it up again and kept heading to West Yellowstone. (Darn those 8 mile a gallon SUV's)

Once I got there I was pleasantly surprised by the lack of people and abundance of animals dead and alive.

Before I began my trek into the vast wilderness of the Government Stolen -- I mean owned and maintained forest -- I needed to ingest some cooked flesh.

That's when I spotted Buckaroo Bills. Yes. Buckaroo Bills.

This place screams tacky, gaudy, overpriced tourist trap with crap food.

But it was the off season in West Yellowstone and I had to eat, and it was either that or Mc-gag-Donalds. Obviously, Bill's won.

Upon walking in a very sweet old woman greeted me handed me a menu and I sat down.

Wow.

The menu was great. It was a plethora of formerly breathing quadrupeds waiting for ingestion.

Then I spotted it right below the Wolverine, and the Buffalo, and the Cow, and the Pig . . .

"Big Horn 100% Elk Burger"

B I N G O

I order that Medium Rare of course and perused the surroundings.

Yes it was touristy, yes it was gaudy, and yes it was tacky.

But it was far from over priced. So all I needed was it to be delicious and I was sold.

About 7 minutes later the sweet older woman arrived at the table with a basket lined in wax paper with a medium rare slab of ground elk waiting for my inspection. It looked phenomenal.

Being that I am a condiment addict I slathered said piece of flesh with the appropriate amount of additions and dug in.

. . . Oh my . . .

Fox News Alert: This was the tastiest piece of Burger meat I had ever consumed in my entire 35 years on this planet . . . and that is no exaggeration.

Every bite was better than the last. Every time I chomped down I prayed there was more.

I cannot in words describe how amazing and delicious this meal was.

I finished this culinary master piece and humbly went on my way.

Do not judge a book by its cover.

Because tucked away in a remote portion of the mountains on the border of Montana and Wyoming is a priceless nugget, and I dont mean gold.

Ill have to invite Alessandra next time.

RATING: Bought the Shirt.