Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Served by Angels at Angelos outside of Angeles

Angelos Drive In Hamburgers

511 South State College Boulevard
Anaheim, California 92806

Food: Hamburger Joint

Fact: SuiteOchoCinco loves ground up cow and thick sliced pig

Fact: The Los Angeles area is a bankrupt bastion of liberal dogmatic ideologues bought and paid for by Big Labor

Fact: The Los Angeles area is a filthy, smoggy, disgusting crime ridden cess pool

Fact: The Anaheim area is a beautiful, thriving and decent place to visit

Fact: The Anaheim area is the only Conservative stronghold in the entire state
You do the math.

After taking 6 straight trips below the Mason Dixon, it was time for SuitOchoCinco to venture westward… and there is nothing I like better than 4 hour flights surrounded by the craziest people the world has to offer.
First crazy number one boards the plane and begins to take others peoples luggage out of the over head bins in order to put hers up???? Leaving the others on the floor???? Second, crazy number two (and owner of said bags now on the floor) loses his proverbial crap and flips a trip on crazy number one, verbally demoralizing her into her crazy cocoon (her seat next to me) then takes his seat.

Throughout the flight in my seat that didn’t recline, crazy two bobs her crazy head up and down and onto my shoulder while she falls asleep and mumbles incessantly, but crazy number one cant be out done and snaps his thumb to his music, hits people on the back that walk by because they brushed his outstretched elbow, gets up 8 times to get things out the overhead compartment, pushes the seat that is reclining in front of him forward so the gentlemen in that seat cant recline it, stands on 4 separate occasions to do “arm circles” and upon finally falling asleep, snores louder that the new Sun Chips Biodegradable bag (trust me, that’s loud)
Arriving in Orange County I was pleasantly surprised for one reason... it wasnt LA....
I searched for several days for a “joint” worthy of visiting...finally a local steers me to “Angelos Drive In Hamburgers” a nearly 50 year old drive in burger joint.
More Facts:
Old is good
Food served in wax paper 9 times out of 10 is wicked good
Moderately trashy exterior usually means great food
Gaudy paint schemes and plywood guarantee the burger is going to be ridiculous
Beautiful Carhops in mini skirts on roller skates means I am staying to watch the game
I pull up and I smile, it looks like a dive… awesome…
I park my Ford “amazingly enough we didn’t take a bailout but we are still controlled by union cronyism” Focus and shuffle into this mecca of slaughtered cow.

I immediately greeted by not one, not two, but three beautiful brunettes speeding past me in mini skirts on roller skates, their greeting left me reminiscent of the southern style hospitality I had grown so used to lately.

I was ushered to a booth and perused the menu, two of the “carhops” stopped by the booth and in a Doublemint twins stereo falsetto asked “what can we get you… (insert giggle)” I asked my regular question, the question that usually defines whether it will be a good experience or a bad… “What are you known for?” With out skipping a beat Doublemint Twin Two says, “Our Guacamole Bacon Cheeseburger” “OH!!” she exclaimed, “and it comes in a discounted basket with hand cut Onion Rings!!” awesome service… awesome...

I order said burger and onion rings and proceed to watch the Anaheim Angels get shellacked by the Boston Red Sox… (my team)… while enjoying a nice cold beer and reveling in the displeasure emanating from the mouths of the local Anaheimians every time the BoSox cram another run down the Angels throats.

A very short time later my burger arrives perfectly wrapped in wax paper, surrounded by monstrous fresh onion rings and with chili peppers on the side… wow… baseball, woman, burgers, fried food, beer… I am beginning to wonder if all of this is even possible? Being that I am in the land of the corrupt and twisted Barbara Boxer… alas I pinch myself and proceed to take my first bite… abso-freakin-lutely awesome… the guac is obviously fresh and the strips of bacon are perfectly cooked, the beef is 50 times removed from “McDonalds garbage meat” and the cheese is dripping of the side of the bun… this is heaven… I cant say enough…
I pop a few chilis in my mouth and move to try the O-Rings… first of all… these things are ginormus, the size of an infants head, it took 12 bites to eat ONE…. This is freakin wicked awesome… love it… and filling… I didn’t look at the menu again, this one meal filled me to the rim…

Doublemint twin number one slyly placed the check on the table asking but answering her own question with her tone and head bob, “How was everything?” she knew… it was phenomenal… there was no doubt… and ready for the kicker? Total Bill: $8… yeah I said it…. Go to Angelos…. Now.

Rating: I would have bought the shirt if they had one

1 comment:

  1. This is hilarious! I will have to ask Suit 757 who you are when I stop laughing.