Parking is a Premium at Off Site Kitchen

Off Site Kitchen
2226 Irving Blvd.

Dallas, TX 75207

 

It's been just over two years since my last visit to Texas, and as a guy from the Great Lakes region, I can tell you that I did not look forward to return to the heat of Texas.

I was in the Dallas area on business with a fellow Suit who explained to me that the heat in Texas can get so extreme that bugs will actually melt on the sidewalk. Not the crunchy bugs, he clarified, just the big, fat and juicy ones.

Comforting...

Look, I'm sure Texas is nice not during the summer months, but I can't exactly confirm that, being that I've only really been there during the months that bugs melt.

And don't get me started on the politics of Texas.

Every conservative believes that Texas is somehow a utopia for conservative politics. Texas has worse gun laws than Pennsylvania!

Oh, and you also have to provide all ten fingerprints to get a driver's license in the state. How about that for freedom-loving?

And Rick Perry...where do I even start with him? Sometimes he can be so right and other times he can just be plain stupid. Perry is finally stepping down after being Governor for what seems like since the Civil War. No term limit for the Executive? No thank you...

Oh, and let us not forget that Texas also gave us the Bush dynasty which single-handedly destroyed the Republican Party.

But the people of Texas are good people, so long as you can tolerate them constantly correcting you that everything is better and/or bigger in Texas.

No, but seriously, I shouldn't be so tough on Texas because despite their government and obnoxious heat, it is a nice state. And one thing for sure, they know how to cook.

My fellow suit, being a native Texan, knew that I would be interested in the finest of what Dallas had to offer. He did his research, and brought us to a shady part of town to what looked like from the outside a perfect place for a Suit to review.

Once through the front door, I knew he had just taken me a goldmine of a Suit review.

Off Site Kitchen is everything that a Suit could ask for in a delicious place to eat: severe lack of parking spaces, long line to the register, very little seating, and the smell of smoked meat in the air.

I ordered the special of the day which was half a BBQ chicken with house made BBQ sauce, coleslaw, and Texas toast.

In true Texas fashion, my fellow Suit ordered the Ten Buck Four Burger, which is a burger made up of four 1/4 pound burger patties, for a grand total of a pound of meat, plus a fried egg on top.

I must say, I became envious of that burger. That thing looked awesome, and according to my fellow Suit, it was, as he had to restart his heart several times during the process of eating it.
 

Don't get me wrong, though, my BBQ chicken was delicious. The meat was very moist and flavorful, and the house made BBQ sauce that came with it had the right amount of tang to it.

The only way to truly complete this meal is by washing it down with the beer that is the pride of Texas, Shiner Bock. Now, I'm not going to sit here and sing the praises of Shiner Bock. It's an okay beer and really is about the best Texas can offer. The laws in Texas just absolutely kill the craft beer industry.

Yet another fine example of the lack of freedom in the Lone Star State...

But I salute Shiner for their long history of serving the people of Texas with a quality beer.

Freedom will come some day to Texas so that Texans can actually openly carry a firearm without being thrown in jail, and to know what real good beer tastes like.

Until then, they can keep enjoying their delicious food with a small variety of good beer, while dreaming of the day they can live up to the label of "freest state in the union."

Off Site Kitchen is a must for anyone visiting the Dallas area. It is off the beaten path, and you'll have a hard time finding parking, but it is well worth it.

Rating: Seriously Thought About Buying Shirt

Discomfort Food

Sonny Bryan’s
2202 Inwood Rd.
Dallas, TX





There is a certain school of barbeque philosophy that states good barbeque can’t be too comfortable.

After all, any self-respecting pit master is going to have to toil in triple digit Texas heat hovering for hours (or days) over a smoldering fire in a dark carcinogen-filled smokehouse.

Some of the more famous Texas barbeque joints down around Lockhart don’t even offer utensils. Customers sit there at a picnic table with strangers and eat their fall-apart tender brisket off a piece of wax paper the way God intended – with their fingers.

Just don’t wipe them on your tie.

This “discomfort = great barbeque” school views Sonny Bryan’s as its Mecca.

With ancestry dating back 101 years, Sonny Bryan’s is considered something of a tourist destination in a city that otherwise has none.

In its half century old “dining room”, Sonny Bryan’s takes barbeque discomfort to a new level. The tiny, dusty old room’s walls are lined with one armed junior high school desks.

The regulars, who know exactly how to get in and out of the damn things without smearing BBQ sauce all over their butts, enjoy the entertainment value of watching the tourists fail to do so.

After you place your order at the counter, they call out your initials and serve your meal on a big round metal pizza pan which you lug to a precious vacant school desk after grabbing a mini Corona bottle of Sonny Bryan’s famous sweet sauce off of the warming plate.

Except once you place the pan on the arm of the desk, there’s no room to squeeze your butt between the sauce laden food and the shoulder of the rough-looking cowboy sitting next to you.

I studied the situation for a moment and decided to ditch the pan to give myself a few extra inches. I precariously placed the plate of BBQ, sauce bottle and long neck on the tiny arm of the desk before attempting to plop my butt down.

The regulars all snickered.

It’s been a couple decades since I’ve attempted to eat at one of these things. Let me tell you, not as easy as you think. Either these desks are too small or my arms are too long.

One or the other.

After apologizing a few times for accidently elbowing Wyatt Earp sitting next to me, I said a quick prayer of thanks to God for making me right-handed. I have no clue how a lefty could even contemplate this maneuver.

But I’m happy to report that there is a reason so many locals and out-of-towners stand in line in the Texas heat to endure this indignity.

The barbeque here is the real deal.

Obviously, when in Texas, you order brisket.

I like my barbeque tender. So whenever given the choice between sliced or chopped, I always opt for the latter.

But not in Texas.

Done right – as in slow smoked for a day or two over hard wood – sliced Texas brisket is tender as melted butter. There’s no need to get it chopped up.

Down around Lockhart, BBQ sauce is as frowned upon as forks and plates. You just don’t need it.

But the warmed up aromatic sauce is part of what makes Sonny Bryan’s a Texas legend. So I happily poured a good third of the bottle over my pile of sliced cow before I squeezed the two soft buns together and took my first bite.

Heaven.

That’s the best way to describe sinking my teeth through this soft as a pillow, flavor-packed sandwich. BBQ heaven.

Almost as famous as their sauce and brisket, Sonny Bryan’s giant buttermilk onion rings are on almost every customer’s tray. Big, sweet and juicy, these are among the best rings you’ll ever find.

The ranch style baked beans were decent, more savory than sweet.

As I washed it all down with a local Fireman’s #4 Blonde Ale, I decided that a little discomfort and elevated dry cleaning bill is a small price to pay to experience one of the true legends of Texas.

Rating: Seriously Thought About Buying Shirt.