Thursday, October 13, 2011

Resisting the Feminization of America -- One Burger at a Time

432 S. Sheridan Rd.
Tulsa, Oklahoma

We’ve become a nation of pansies.

The feminization of America is now complete.

The fickle whims and desires of women now dominate every aspect of our lives.

Like how you can’t get a glass of water with your lunch any more without a piece of lemon thrown in.



But that’s what you get.

The feminization of America.

Like how you can’t buy a pair of ordinary blue jeans without some faggity-ass design on the pockets.

Can’t I just get a $10 pair of Wranglers?

Like how you can’t smoke anywhere. Even outside. Might discomfort some hyper sensitive chick down the street.

Like how my Rebel flag hanging in my garage might offend some homely girl from Maryland or Maine.

You know what?

I’m offended that you are offended!

Like how movies about gay cowboys are somehow considered heartwarming Hollywood entertainment.

Heartwarming? How about stomach churning and upchuck educing?
Don’t even get me started about men marrying men. What is this world coming to?

Of course I’m looked at like some kind of Neanderthal just for questioning this absurdity. Like there is something wrong with ME!


Yo! Wake up. We’re talking about dudes getting married to other dudes!

John Wayne has got to be rolling over in his grave.

Pretty soon we’ll be like those emasculated wussies north of the border where the feminization of society is so complete, bathrooms are going unisex and men are being banned from taking a leak standing up.

Are you kidding me?!?!

You’re now telling me how to take a piss?!?

So I have to say a small part of my manly inner soul soared the moment I took a look at the menu board at Harden’s Hamburgers in the hamburger crazy city of Tulsa, Oklahoma.

You see, at Harden’s you don’t just order a quarter pound single or a half pound double.

You have to choose between the “Women’s Burger” or the “Men’s Burger”.

God bless Oklahoma. Where men are still men.

And are still allowed to eat slabs of ground up red meat. (And piss standing up.)

Of course it all makes perfect sense.

What right-thinking heterosexual male would ever order a “single” when a double slab of meat is offered as the alternative?

None. At least none I hang out with.

So, quite content, I told the little lady at the counter I wanted “The Men’s Burger” with cheese. And onion rings.

And a water. No lemon!

She asked me if I wanted mustard, pickles or onions. I thought that was a strange list of options. No lettuce, tomato, ketchup?

I told her onions, yes. No on the mustard and pickles.

Unfortunately after a good 20 minute wait, my “Men’s Burger” finally was delivered to my table. With nothing on it but mustard.

Oh well.

A man’s world is never perfect.

Like a man, I took my Men’s Burger the way it was delivered to me.

Besides, I didn’t have another 20 minutes to wait for another one.

I wish I could give a better review to my Men’s Burger. The meat was very flavorful, packing a significant garlicky punch. But it was just a bit dry.

I understand the desire not to camouflage the flavor of the meat that has been infused by the top secret mixture of Harden’s spices, but the burger could really have used one or two condiments.

The onion rings on the other hand were top notch.

Crispy to the point that when you took a bite, the onion and batter would conveniently break off clean, avoiding the tragedy of onion or batter slippage.

I mean, is there anything worse than having the entire ring of onion and/or batter slide out of your fingers on that first bite?

Well, yes. There are lots of things worse.

Like gay cowboys and lemon in my water.

But at least you don’t have to worry about stuff like that in Tulsa, Oklahoma.

Rating: Would Wear A Free Shirt.

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